things are so bitchy that i dont know where to start this story...
ok, lets cler things first...
there's this teacher i like that is sort of cute(yeah,just CUTE!!!read it C-U-T-E...)...we were not even friends and were not really close and he's just a plain crush as in C-R-U-S-H and crush is not synonimous to love interest and crush is far from love...
can you please tell me whats wrong with admiring a guy..?
isn't it unjustifiable to overreact with a stupid damn crush...?
yeah someone overreacted with my joking statements...and that is our G*&^@#^% C*^&$#*!#...yeah and when i was just about to expect that she'll understand my feelings because i think she also went over the teenage cycle i became aware that she is disappointed with me because she's not infavore with student-teacher relationship...
DUH!!!!AS IF I AM GOING TO MARRY HIM!!!
its such a stupid thought that i am serious with him...
and guess what, she said that i was planning to fail the subject he was teaching because i want to get his attention..
its like a big DUH!!!!
i am a graduating student and its not on my plans to fail a MAJOR subject just because i want to get the attention of a guy..!!!
i mean i'm not that serious with him...
he's just he...
not actually special at all...
and she also accused me of throwing a chalk
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OMG...
as in i'm on the edge of my last straw...
things are so bitchy that i dont know where to start this story...
ok, lets cler things first...
there's this teacher i like that is sort of cute(yeah,just CUTE!!!read it C-U-T-E...)...we were not even friends and were not really close and he's just a plain crush as in C-R-U-S-H and crush is not synonimous to love interest and crush is far from love...
can you please tell me whats wrong with admiring a guy..?
isn't it unjustifiable to overreact with a stupid damn crush...?
yeah someone overreacted with my joking statements...and that is our G*&^@#^% C*^&$#*!#...yeah and when i was just about to expect that she'll understand my feelings because i think she also went over the teenage cycle i became aware that she is disappointed with me because she's not infavore with student-teacher relationship...
DUH!!!!AS IF I AM GOING TO MARRY HIM!!!
its such a stupid thought that i am serious with him...
and guess what, she said that i was planning to fail the subject he was teaching because i want to get his attention..
its like a big DUH!!!!
i am a graduating student and its not on my plans to fail a MAJOR subject just because i want to get the attention of a guy..!!!
i mean i'm not that serious with him...
he's just he...
not actually special at all...
and she also accused me of throwing a chalk<remark: yeah,she said i threw a chalk when we dont have any black/chalk board cause we were now using whiteboard..!!!> to one of my classmates because she was having a private<remark: actually, he wasnt really teaching her,...DUH...!>
...
and my eyes really almost went out because of my suprise...!
i mean, i dont have any grudges with that girl for that reason..!our friendship was too important to be spoiled by a "stranger"...<remark:what a nice looking stranger..!>
but duh...i'm not really serious with HIM!!!!!!!!!
fuck the hell out of it..!!!
i hope she<remark: the monster i was refering to> get lost!!!!
im so angry the situation that heaven knows if i could sleep to night or even care to eat something for dinner...
its not that im depressed because student-teacher relationship is not allowed.....
i'm depressed because of the bithcyness of the situation...!
maybe it was true that he's not that relevant in my life...
so here's the story...
yesterday, my friends and i were walking as usual towards home when one of my friends saw him with his girlfriend...holding hands...i cant look but i cant also look phathetic...so i just stood tall but not looking directly in his eyes...i just saw i thing that could have made me cry...his hand in her hand...
ok...so much for my violinist...
after i saw that scene, i rushed to a computer shop and updated by blog...yeah my lj and my friendster blog...after i pour all my emotion (just read my previous entry) i checked out the music scene in our school...
yeah,theres a concert and one of my favorite band was there...so i stayed and party or just say blodyslammed with the people there...i was fun...while i was dancing ang feeling the sad beat of the rock songs, i had the chance to forget all the problems i have...
i forgot him while in the mosh pit of people...
but now, i came up with a reason why it hurted me that much...
it was his fault all along...
he was so sweet so loving and so kind to me...
the sad part is that he never said he love me but i assumed...
thats his fault...
his loss...
and i'll make sure he'll know what he really loss...
sorry i havent updated lately...actually something came up just last-last monday..
last August 7,2006...
...i met the violinist of my life..
they said that in the eyes of a suicidal person everything is either black or white..
and he's the one who splashed colors in my damn life..
well..he is a nice guy..very nice actually..he doesn't like masokists and wrist cutters(yeah for the first time in my life someone scolded me for cutting my wrists!), he doesn't like smoking and drinking(i'm not too damn sure..) and most of all he's not a man of morbidity(i cant believe anyone could live without morbidity...!)
so we're friends..good friends enough to add kisses in our text messages..
so should i take him for real or just play along like an ordinary player..?
i think i love him but i'm not totally into him..
i flirt alot..do you think i can be serious with this guy..?
>uMmnnn,i'M nOt actUally suRe bUt whAt if sOmeonE yoU likE stArt likiNg sOmeonE yOu'rE cloSe enOugh tO calL BFFS...?wilL yoU lEt iT paSs or dO somEthiNg..?
>i mEan i'M nOt tHat surE bUt i dO havE a feEliNg..aNd i dOnt likE it tHat mUch...
just because this computer doesnt have adobe photoshop, i am sort of required to use paint instead...
just take a look at my gallery entitled "my goth art".
acyually, it was just pics from the web that i sort of edited using the old buddy paint and some help from microsoft word (yes, you've read it right...microsoft WORD")...
aw...i'm just really tired to day...i need some zzzs and lots of water before i finish the remaining 2 projects...
aww..this is my very first post(not really...i lost my first account) on live jounal..
hmmn, i just got in to ths website courtesy of my 'preppy' friend victhea(afterglowmegami)...
anyway...i nees a sort of diary...
well, this past few days, im really confused by my feelings...
i really like, ok, i admit love guy A but too bad he set his heart for another girl...when im with him, i feel like i can be real..that i am a human..
then came guy B..the almost dream guy(almost because he of his kinda short height)...i like him but were not friends...not that were enimies or somethng...its just that our worlds are too far apart...yeah, we may sit on one table but pur hearts were miles apart...when im with him, i am so shy that i dont talk or laugh...i cant do the things i normally do..i become someone thats not me..for short, he draws me out of my personality..
before i sleep i can remember guyB but in my prayers, i include guyA...
so...who do you think is infatuation and whos love..?
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ykari's journal
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